Dear Amy: My husband, children, and I live in a different state than most of my family.
We are planning a trip to the state of my family and would like to invite my parents and grandmother to rent a cabin for a few nights.
I don’t see my grandmother often because she isn’t enough to travel far.
I am worried about the remaining time, so I would like to enjoy a wonderful and relaxing trip together.
I want to make happy memories with them, my parents and my children. My grandmother gets along well and often spends time together. Both are widowed, but one of them remarried about a year ago.
Amy, this guy is rude and exaggerated, and everyone feels uncomfortable.
We all keep ourselves and respect when we are around him, but my parents and other grandmothers are not fans of this guy.
I’m worried that spending weekends with him would be too much for everyone.
His presence could turn this relaxing time with my family into a weekend that revolves around his lectures, narcissistic personality, and drama.
Is it selfish to me that I want to spend this precious time only with those who bring happiness? Is it wrong for me to invite only my grandmother and not her new spouse to look down on?
How can I extend this exclusive invitation? Or is there a polite and cautious way to ask him not to make this trip uncomfortable?
— Happy Memories only
Dear happiness: Your grandmother chose to get married, and when she did, the person she got married entered into your family. For better or for worse, he is there.
It is not your selfishness to want “only happiness”, but no family can guarantee only happy experiences and happy memories. All families must deal with the challenges posed by their reality.
We encourage you to issue this invitation to everyone and do your best to manage this destructive new family together over the weekend.
If you establish a baseline motivation to confront him: (“Sorry,’Steve’, but I want to hear my grandmother’s thoughts …”) You may have a better time.
Dear Amy: Our daughter’s overseas wedding was first scheduled two summers ago. The ceremony was postponed twice because the borders were closed because the families on both sides (almost) did not live there.
The wedding is about to begin — this July. Currently, I see many guests who have confirmed their attendance that they have come the first two times, saying that they cannot participate. We miss seeing them.
So here’s the question: we’re already paying a nice venue for a certain number of guests, but now invite us to the first person who “did not create the first guest list” Is it difficult?
How should I express it if it is not sticky?
— I wonder about the wedding
Dear wonder: When it comes to “sticky,” I’m probably more like Dolly Parton than Emily Post.
I say, be genuine, polite, and-if you’re back in the corner-be honest!
We will issue an invitation. You may call this event: ThirdTime’s the Charm.
I don’t think you need to refer to your previous plans when inviting people.
If a future guest asks: “Hey, you thought you didn’t have space for me …!” “The pandemic really ruined our plans and some of our close family members couldn’t go abroad this summer. So if you can join us with a relatively short notification, we love it! “
Dear Amy: The “worried sister” was trying to encourage her old sister to plan for the future.
Thank you for emphasizing the need for families to discuss end-of-life issues with each other.
Before we talked about these things, my mother fell into the devastation of dementia. During the years I spent caring for her, I often wanted to know what her wishes were. It would have made everything so easy for me and her other family members who were trying to provide her with her best care.
In the dark, I still regret the tough times.
Dear regrets: The situation you describe was that journalist Ellen Goodman was struggling through her mother’s illness and death and urged her to get started. Conversation projectProvides a prompt to help the family talk.