Carolyn Hax: Will staying in different hotels ruin a group vacation?

Adapted from online discussions.

Dear Carolyn: A few months ago, my extended family-mother, stepfather, stepfather, sister-in-law and her family-decided that we should all have a family vacation in a popular resort. I thought it was an interesting idea. I’m not sure about my family-in-law because my mother just married her father a year ago, but she’s very kind and wants to know more. I made it clear in my early plans that I couldn’t afford a hotel of my family’s choice, but I can’t stop others because everyone goes to the beach during the day anyway. It is a 3-minute walk.

My sister-in-law and my parents decided that everyone should stay in a more expensive hotel because they keep their family in one place. When I reminded them of our budget, my sister-in-law offered to pay the difference. $ 2,200, excluding airfare, is almost $ 2,000, not a small offer, given that we plan to pay for the week. I know they are wealthy, but I probably couldn’t accept that big gift from someone we hardly know.

My mother was hunting me down to get my sister-in-law to do this and said I was ruining everyone’s vacation and should be ashamed of myself. Her husband is rocking, but I don’t think it’s necessary at all and I don’t want to spend my vacation like a whip.

I feel strongly about this, but it seems only to me. What am i not looking at? Who is overdoing it here?

Within budget: Your mom. Your sister-in-law sounds nice, and your commitment to your principles is impeccable. Give them all the opportunity to stay in a cheap hotel and enjoy a pristine vacation.

Re: Vacation: Or let her pay. My husband and I are in a better financial situation than many families, regardless of our own negligence. Sharing wealth to make family vacations easier for everyone is literally one of our favorite ways to spend money.

Wealth sharing: Fair point. (And funny: “It’s not our own fault.”) You welcome my vacation payments. However, if the author of the letter declined her sister-in-law’s offer, her sister-in-law could reasonably re-offer only once. After that, the whole family was obliged to give this family enough respect to stop it.

If you find that you made a mistake on your trip, you can submit it the next time you are familiar with other family members. This is important.

・ My sister makes much more money than I do. I once made her pay me. Never again. I wasn’t always physically able to do it, but we had to do everything she wanted. When I wanted something different, she said, “I paid for this trip.” I didn’t like being owned and obliged by others.

My brother makes much more money than I do, and he and my sister-in-law paid for us some vacations, which is nice. They always ask with respect and never throw it at our face. Thank you. From my point of view, he and I both work hard in our work, but it happens that his profession is more rewarding in our society than I am.

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